There's a First Time for Everything

And this marks my first Perfect Post Award!

Thank you to Magpie over at Magpie Musing for her readership and pat on the back. Apparently she liked what I had to say about the SAHM vs. WOHM debate. Of course, I didn't write it looking to win any awards. I just felt pretty strongly about sharing my insight from both sides of the debate and letting all the moms out there know that no matter how you do it, motherhood is hard work. And what you do matters. Woman's work is valuable, vital, and unfortunately underappreciated financially and otherwise. I worked just as hard as a SAHM as I do as a WOHM, the day just runs a little differently now.

In either case, we all deserve a pat on the back. So, for all the moms out there, I said it before and I'll say it again, your work is vital. And the perfect post award is for all of us making our way through the labyrinth that is motherhood.

By the way, Magpie is someone I came across some time ago and have been addicted to her intelligent, witty, and insightful writing since. She's politically savvy, creative, a hell of a cook, and just finished installing some incredibly cool built-in bookshelves of which I'm insanely envious. Overall, she's awesome. Go check her out.

Hurricane, check!

So Hurricane Hanna is bearing down on our coast. Obviously we don't know yet when and where exactly it'll hit. But according to NOAA, it's sure to hit us somewhere, and so we're gearing up.

Batteries are bought, non-perishable food stashed, flashlights were dug out of closets, documents sealed in plastic bags, family photos contained in plastic, water was stored, hand-crank radio purchased, etc., etc., etc. I think we're ready.

But the truth is, when are you ever really ready in these situations?

I was musing with Doug just this morning about how I've lived through several of Mother Nature's most heinous attempts at upheaval:

blizzards, check
major earthquakes, check
fires, check
typhoons, check
tornados, check

and for all my preparation, you're never really ready. The best you can do is alleviate the inconvenience a bit and hope for the best.

As far as experiencing natural disasters, aside from volcanic eruption, hurricane was really the only one I hadn't experienced. And since I don't see active lava flow ocurring in the nearby trailer parks (although sometimes I'd like to), the odds for hurricane being next on the list were pretty high.

So, we're getting ready. Funny thing is, I'm not worried or anxious at all. You regular readers out there know that I'm a worrier. Yet oddly enough, when faced with natural disaster.....totally calm, cool, and collected. When faced with overly anxious pre-schooler, a total wreck.

I suppose the difference is investment. I'm invested in Emma. Not so much in Hanna. There's also a control issue at hand. Hanna preparation, totally controllable. Emma preparation, totally out of my hands.

And in the end, Hanna will come and go. Sure, there might be damage to fix and debris to clean-up. There may even be some unexpected home repairs. But Emma, she's with me forever. And any damage done to her little psyche may not be something I can "fix". And that......is just too much to bear.

I love you my little monkey. And if I could take away all your worry and pack it away in plastic bags for storage at the back of the closet never to be seen again, I would. But I can't. So I'm hoping that my love, hugs, and encouragement will be enough to shield you from the storm that rages on in your little head.

E-GAD!

Or as we like to call it, "Generalized Anxiety Disorder."

Emma's teen years are going to be a hoot!

We've consulted, been assessed, and begin therapy this week, barring Hanna's arrival. The modality will be cognitive behavioral therapy which I suspected in the first place.

The one reassuring aspect of all of this was having the counselor say to us, "Everything you guys have tried and done so far has been exactly what you should be doing. Keep it up!" So apparently Doug and I have common sense, if not a little bit of an above-average understanding in the area of behavior modification. Or, more likely, we were just lucky.

Nevertheless, when your kid shrieks in fear for just over a year everytime she's faced with new and unplanned situations, or planned ones for that matter, at some point you throw up your hands and say, "We can't do this alone, we need help."

We're there. And we're lucky to have found ourselves what appears to be a fabulous therapist.

Let the counseling begin!

One Down...

....so many more to go....weeks that is.

So we made it through our first full week of school (well, we will tomorrow anyway - I hope I didn't jinx that by typing this the night before).

Here's the recap:

Nicky
Crying fits: 1
Trips to time out chair (he likes to push kids out of the way when he wants something): 2
Giggles: too numerous to count
Dirty knees (I always say, "A dirty kid is a kid who's having fun!"): 10
Bug bites: 6
"Mommy I drew sumfing."s: 4
Lunches eaten: 5
General exuberance: infinite

and now...

Emma
Vomit: twice
Screaming: 80 decibles
Shrieking for mommy: 56 times
Lunches eaten: 0
Tear stained cheeks: 10
Hyper-ventilating: daily from 7:30 - 8:00am
Calls to counselor for assessment: 2
General anxiety: infinite

Are ya' seeing a pattern here?
Uh yeah. Me too. Got any advice? 'Cause at this point, advice....priceless!

Life from Both Sides Now...

Joni Mitchell would be proud. I've seen life from both sides now. There were no bows and flows of angel's hair (except for a few bows perched atop ringleted curls), and unfortunately no ice cream castles in the air. But there was a milkshake reward for a successful first day, and a lot of deep sighs on my part. And in the end, I must admit, I really don't know this life...at all.

Translation, the kids and I have transitioned from a 'stay at home mom' family to a 'working mom' family. Granted, we're still adjusting (5:45am wake ups, rushed breakfasts, tears at separation on both parts, and general exhaustion), but we're making it work.

That is not to say that there weren't snags along the way.....like last week when I got in my car for my first day back at work in 4 years and the battery was dead. It was one of those moments where you throw your hands up and say, "Yeah, ok universe, I get it, but I'm going anyway." That of course was followed up by the car needing to be in the shop the morning of the kids' first day of school. You know that guy Murphy.....I hope he's getting royalties on those laws of his.

In any case, we all had our first 'official' day of school this morning, and we managed. I knew we would. But I now have a greater appreciation for both sides of the great 'Mommy Debate'. As a stay at home mom, I struggled with the tedium of life with two kids under 3. You know, the wiping and the babbling and the cleaning and the isolation. I was lonely, starved for stimulation, and desperately seeking outlets for both myself and the kids. I thought I'd found it in that greener patch of grass, just over there, on the other side of that shiny new white picket fence. You know, the one just outside the playground and inside the office park.

Well, I've been there. I had lunch there. I sat awhile. I even left my kids in a different patch of grass while I went and explored the supposedly greener one. And it was hard. The emotional pull that I felt for my children was more overwhelming than the adjustment to a new job and life back in the work force.

All day, my children were not far from my heart or my head. And since I work as a teacher in the same building where they are schooled, I am in a constant state of anxiety, wearing my 'mommy ears', listening for their cries, struggling with the desire to check on them vs. my obligations to my own students. I spend my day poised to respond to my own students' prepubescent issues, and the separation anxiety of my young children as well.

And the exhaustion.....not from the work. The work is wonderful, inspiring, stimulating, everything I'd hoped it'd be. No, not the work. The emotional pull is exhausting. The emotional prep work that must be done to acclimate two young babes to the culture of the working mom is, dare I say, debilitating at times. And my desire to be back in my living room, rolling around with them, pretending to cook eggs in the plastic kitchen is nothing short of surprising to me.

And so, you stay at home moms out there, the ones who are desperately seeking the outlet of the working world, and thinking that that patch of grass will be so much greener than your own.....I have news for you. I have news for all of you, working and stay at home moms alike, neither side is greener. Neither is easier. Neither is better. In the end, they're just different patches of grass, equally difficult to navigate, equally demanding, but entirely different.

And accomplishments in both, however big or small, are equally worthy of praise.

Kudos to all you moms out there. All of you who are wiping, or typing, or teaching, or playing, or cleaning, or writing, or computing, or driving, or carpooling, or consoling, or crying, or hugging, or whatever. Your work is important. Your work is vital......no matter which patch of grass you may find yourself in.

Cast Away Conundrum

C'mon, you know the movie.

The one where Tom Hanks had to lose 50 pounds in the course of shooting just to make his character's, "Lost," experience look believable. You know...the coconut-eating, tooth-extracting, raft-building, "Wilson"-loving survival story of 3 years on a deserted island. Yeah....that one.

So it's on cable down here about every three minutes on every third channel. I don't know....something about southerners and deserted island themes. They love, "Lost," too. Maybe it's because they recognize how miserable it can be here sometimes and figure if they're gonna' suffer through this kind of living, they might as well make it adventurous. Who knows.

Anyway, you know how at the end of the movie he goes to see Kelly at her house and realizes that she's married with a kid? But at the same, he and she both realize that they still love each other; that they are each other's loves of their lives. Here's what I don't get....

...how do you go on living your life knowing that the love of your life is out there, loving you back, and you just can't be with them? Or more aptly, how do you go on to live a happy, fulfilling life...at least as far as realtionships are concerned?

It's a conundrum to me.

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety-jig

Fat pig aside, unless you include the spread of my booty after 2 kids back to back, the house is coming along.

We finished the floors a while back. The walls were painted a rich buttery color that just about makes you want to lick them, care of the guilt-ridden builder who admits to its total crap of a standard in workmanship. And furniture arrived today. New, colorful, cozy furniture.

Almost feels like "home" again. Almost.

Except that now....I think we just outgrew it. Oops.
(I'll post before and after pic's soon.)