Tuesday, July 22, 2008

WWJDFPBP? (What WOULD Jesus Do with a Fried Pickle and Boiled Peanut?)

It's no secret that I'm not fond of the south. I've been here just over 2 years now, and it's more clear now than ever that I'll never completely like it here or fit in for that matter. And I'm ok with that.

First of all, I'm WAY too opinionated for a woman in the south. The plumber who'd never seen a man, let alone, "his wifey," follow him into an attic to check on his work thought so. The toothless mechanic (I'm not exaggerating here, he had one tooth) who I followed into the repair bay to examine the improperly installed brake pads thought so. And every mother at my daughter's community preschool who overheard my complaints about their insistence that Hostess cakes or some deep-fried object qualifies as a healthy and nutritious snack thought so. I'm just too damned loud and opinionated for these people. And I'm ok with that.

Second, I have yet to, "find Jesus and accept him as my Lord and Savior." I do not pray and go directly to my Bible without passing go or collecting 200 dollars every time I have to make the smallest decision like what length of skirt to wear. I do not proudly display a, "WWJD?" wrist band and spend hours meditating on the course of action that a man, dead 2,000 + years who wouldn't have the slightest clue how to navigate the modern world anyway, might choose. I can figure out what the, "right thing to do," is for myself. And I'm ok with that.

And third, I cannot accept the excuse of regional dialect for poor grammar. "Ya'll" is NOT a word. And it is not cute. And any combination of, "you," and, "all," however abbreviated, when referring to a group of people, is not the optimum choice of words either. I will not be, "gittin' to," somewhere, nor will I be, "fixin'," to do anything. If I fix anything, it will likely be in my home and result in months of inconvenient displacement and thousands of dollars in repairs. And while I'm not ok with the never ending home repair, I am ok with good grammar.

And I do not agree that frying a pickle makes it more edible. Furthermore, boiling peanuts does not make them tastier. It just makes them water-logged and frighteningly translucent. Some things were not meant to be fried or boiled. And I'm ok with that.

See the thing is, I've spent the last 2 years of my life in revolt. I've been fighting an existence that, at least for the time being, is my reality; an existence that I, as one loud, odd, and opinionated person, am powerless to change. So, rather than resent my current cultural geography in life, I'm learning to celebrate it....in all it's awkward glory. I'm on the outside of their churches and their fish frys and their craft fairs and their scrapbooking clubs. And rather than waste my time and energy voicing my disgust, I'm going to be content to be the girl on the outside for a while. I'm going to find peace in my place. And frankly, I'm ok with that.


Magpie said...

and you're going to convert some of them to your heathen way of being!

Ruth said...

Danielle - I just read your last two entries. I wish we could have coffee and talk.... I recently spent two weeks in Georgia and while I enjoyed my vacation, I remembered why I could "never live there." For all of the reasons you describe, and then some. (But I do love the boiled peanuts, I will admit. Also a big Jesus fan, but I digress....) I know what it is like to feel your house is not your home. And to feel like an outsider. I also know we must "bloom where we are planted."

I think you are there for a reason. It is not even particularly necessary that you find out what the reason is.... only that you agree with the Universe that you will participate in the life you have.

You are not imagining the aches and pains. Please do not let your anxiety build until you find that lump that gives you pause....... This is the voice of experience.

Karen said...

I'm glad that you are writing again. I hope you never stopped, even if you didn't make it public. I was just saying this weekend that you are the kind of person with whom everyone feels immediately comfortable. You have a way about you-- a sense of confidence, at least an external one. . . And I miss you. All of you. Happy. Sad. Just you.

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