Friday, August 1, 2008

Hi Rock, Meet Hard Place

I'm there. In the middle of the proverbial rock and hard place.

On the one side is my childrens' education....or rather, the opportunity to improve said education via pricey, uber-liberal, exceptionally stimulating, private montessori school.

On the other is my own education...or rather, the absolute necessity for me to return to school in order to pursue my desired career change.

"Uh ok," you say. "What's the big deal here? I don't see the rock and hard place? Just send the kids and go to school yourself, duh."

Yes, and if it were that simple, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this would I?

See, the school is ridiculously expensive. And the only way we can afford to send them there is for me to go to work as a teacher at the school and thereby procure the 50% discout. FIFTY percent people.....for my children to have quality, private school, montessori education in a state where public education is no more effective than a fart in the wind.

Of course, going to work there means putting my own ambitions on hold....once again....until the hubby is making a little more cash, and my own salary increases enough to justify paying for both their school and mine, as well as the babysitter to watch them on the off hours that I would squeak in an education.

That's the rock.

Here's the hard place.

The other alternative is to skip the pricey, uber-liberal, montessori school for now, and let the kids suffer through public school while I go finish up some education of my own. After about 3 or 4 years, I'd be in a new career making more than enough money to pay for said school outright w/o the help of a 50% discount.

But my kids have to suffer through SC public schools. And let me tell you, suffering it will be. The schools here are deplorable. I already know of deficiencies in the education of kids I've met relative to my friends' children in other states. It's frightening. And I DO NOT want my kids to suffer through the incompentencies of bad teachers in a bad system.

But I also don't want to put my life on hold any longer than I already have. When the hubby and I had kids, the deal was that I would stay home for their first couple of years, then head back to school or the workforce to continue fulfilling my own goals and ambitions. We both felt that by the time they were 3 they would be old enough to handle and benefit from a nurturing school/care-taking situation.

And I've found one. And it's perfect. But like I said, the only way to make it happen is to sacrifice more of myself.

Hello rock, this is the hard place, and I'm Danielle. Right in between.

And what was I saying in that last post about moms struggling with anxiety, depression, and the loss of self?!?


Magpie said...

that is indeed a rock v. hard place conundrum. hope you figure it out.

Ruth said...

I don't know what to tell you... I'm wondering if there is an "option C"?

Ruth said...

I keep thinking about your post. I'm sure you've thought of this, but is it possible to a) find another alternative school that is not so expensive? b) do some classes for yourself online (cheaply) while they go to the expensive place and you teach there? Trying to find some middle ground for you....

It is hard for me to help you with this because I finished school before I can only imagine what you are feeling.... but I am also imagining what could be more perfect than being in the same building all day with your kids, knowing they are getting a great education? That would be tempting to me, if I were a teacher (which I'm not).